Working with a couple counselling therapist has become increasing common for couples seeking better ways to resolve conflict. Conflict can occur from a variety of reasons, some relating to emotions that have not been addressed from past misunderstandings or misconduct, and others pertaining to existing problems within the relationship. In either case, having a constructive, more positive way of dealing with conflict can improve the relationship. Professional assistance is quite often necessary to stop negative patterns of conflict from repeating, and to begin to practice healthier ways of communicating. The following are some of the things a couples councillor typically suggests to reduce conflict.
Stop Accusing, Start Explaining
Rather than using general statements such as “you always” or “you never”, which tend to put the person on the defencive, use words that explain how you feel and why. This will better help the other partner understand why it is important that they change a behaviour.
See our Partners Strengths
If when we look at our partner, if we make a concerted effort to see the ’glass half full’ side, in other words the positive qualities that attracted us to them in the first place, this will help the relationship become more calm and secure. That does not mean we ignore habits and behaviours that might need changing, however, taking a step back to really see the good in our partner can lessen the emphasis on the negative traits that will take time to change.
Make Time to be Together
Our lives are busy, and sometimes days or even weeks can go by without really spending any quality time with our partner. We have to make that time happen by scheduling ahead the exclusive time together we need. Particularly if the relationship is already turbulent, seeking out one on one time can show that you still are interested in your partner and want to time with them to reconnect. For couples that do not have a great amount of conflict within their marriage, together time is just a necessary as a preventative for future problems.
Let Go of Past Mistakes
If you want to lay the foundation for a better relationship, it can not include hanging on to mistakes from the past. This can include the guilt we might feel from out own errors, as well as things that our partner may have done that have caused hurt. After past issues have been discussed, and each person has agreed to attempt to make things better in the present and future, leave it at that. Forgiveness is intertwined with trust, and if we are still holding on to past mistakes, it indicates we may not be fully trusting that these mistakes won’t occur again.
A couples counselling London specialist will meet with you to discuss if you might be able to benefit from counselling sessions. Each relationship is unique, and poses its own challenges. However, for couples that both want to work together to improve their relationship, and be better at resolving conflict, a professional couples therapist can often point them in the right direction.